Neal Kaplan I'm a director of technical communications working for a data analysis startup in Redwood City. I started as a technical writer, and since then I've also been learning about information architecture, training, content strategy, and even something about customer support. I'm also passionate about cross-team collaboration and user communities.

What causes a friendship to end?

3 min read

The most significant factors in ending a friendship were found to be selfishness, being dishonest, and taking without giving, among others.

Why do friendships come to an end?

According to Bill, betrayal is the most common cause of a hard break in a friendship. There are two different forms of betrayal. There is a betrayal of a shared understanding of what it means to live a good life. The friendship often ends when there is a violation of the common understanding.

What are the signs of a friendship ending?

  • The friendship is always one-sided.
  • They have betrayed your trust.
  • They do not keep your secrets.
  • They are pessimistic and negative.
  • You don’t have anything to talk about.
  • They create drama.
  • They are passive aggressive when you say no.
  • You raise a concern and they dismiss it.

Kailee Place, licensed professional counselor (LPC) at her private practice, Shifting Tides Therapeutic Solutions in Charleston, South Carolina, told Business Insider in an email that they crave connection and to build a pack around them. Place said that having a friend who leaves you feeling supported and cared for is a common theme in working friends.

What things end a friendship?

  • They are not respectful to a family member.
  • They do not keep your most private secrets.
  • While you are still dating, they make moves on you.
  • They force you to do things you don’t want to do.

It’s perfectly normal for people to drift apart as they grow up. When you can’t get past the fact that it’s not right, it’s time to end the friendship as gracefully as possible. There is a line between “dumb, meaningless gossip” and “genuinely betraying trust that was placed in you.”

When someone you’ve trusted with a big secret gives it to someone else, they’ve lost your friendship. A lot of us have had that awkward surprise of scrolling through our news feeds and seeing racist comments or statuses. It’s easier to hit the unfriend button because most of these friends are peripheral, and not the ones you actually spend time with. I’m not saying friends can’t have differing views on issues, but when they do, you need to move past them.

If your friend completely disrespects that at the expense of your safety or psychological well-being, you are better off without them. I’m talking about friends who remind you of nice things they’ve ever done for you and hold it over your head. When you get into a pattern like that, the one nice thing a friend did for you turns into a bargaining chip to get you to either give in or feel bad. They have the ability to point out all of your flaws at any time.

When I was in high school, I had a friend who constantly asked me my jean size so she could tell me that hers was smaller, and who made comments about how “annoyingly happy” I was, to the point where she spread rumors that I was on pills. Sometimes you can’t say what’s bothering you about someone who’s making you feel uncomfortable about your relationship with them, and that’s when you end a friendship. We have a new show called I Want It That Way, which explores the difficult and dirty parts of a relationship.

What can cause a friendship to end?

  • Your lives have changed because you no longer work together, go to the same school, or both.
  • You’ve grown apart due to interests or commitments.
  • A friend is lying.
  • The friend spends more time cutting you down than building you up.

When you first meet a new friend, you probably don’t think about the future or the possibility that the friendship will end. You don’t know how to get to a new place if you no longer want to be friends with someone. It’s a good idea to outline the reasons why you don’t want to be friends with a particular person before you decide on a course of action.

If you choose to do so, don’t discuss your feelings with the friend you want to break up with until they are clear in your mind. Most people don’t know how to break up with a friend, and they may not even know when they are justified in wanting to do so. If a friend asks you to compromise your integrity, tell a lie, or hurt someone by doing something, you should know not to do it. Four healthy options can be considered when ending a friendship, and in some cases, you may need to use a combination of these strategies.

This tactic involves gradually reducing social interaction with the other person in order to let the friendship come to a natural close. If you are afraid of confrontation, the person is likely not to listen or accept what you are saying, or for toxic situations, fading out of the friendship is a good option.

You become too busy to get together or hard to reach instead of laying your feelings on the line. It might be better not to take that step, as it only draws attention to the fact that you are trying to exit. If the friend doesn’t take the hint, it may drag on.

You might be putting that person through a lot of stress as they try to figure out what happened. Do you want to clear up a miscommunication, explain resentment, address an old argument, or set boundaries?

You could either end the friendship or take a break like people do in romantic relationships. If you want to get in touch when you are ready, set a time in the future when you plan to return. If you are dealing with a toxic friend or someone who does not respect boundaries, this is true. It’s good that this type of friendship break-up gives you the chance to voice any issues that you’ve been holding back on.

If you’ve known someone for a long time and feel they deserve the respect of a final goodbye, or if someone does something so awful that it would be hard to ignore, this type of friendship break-up is appropriate. It can be just as difficult to end a friendship as it is to end a romantic relationship.

How do you end someone’s friendship?

Break up with your friend in a way that is gentle. You should tell them why you don’t want to be friends with them. If you need to break up with a friend, do it. Do not break up with them if they only had one month to live.

Neal Kaplan I'm a director of technical communications working for a data analysis startup in Redwood City. I started as a technical writer, and since then I've also been learning about information architecture, training, content strategy, and even something about customer support. I'm also passionate about cross-team collaboration and user communities.

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